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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mr. God's favorite rubber duckie's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 7th, 2010
2:50 pm
Jesus! Give it a rest!
Bambi can't even speak to a classroom full of sixth graders without a full podium and teleprompter set up, yet the usual idiots are going nuts because Sarah Palin jotted a few notes on her hand before a speech. Great motherfucking Christ, could you get any more pathetic? The left is a joke.
Sunday, January 31st, 2010
11:25 am
Hi, this is Jimmy, talking in daddy's blog.
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
2:59 pm
Please note:
#1: This meme is older than dirt.
#2: Thus, it's been done a million times before. I get that
#3: This is NOT an Obama=Hitler comparison, I'll leave that insanity to the LaRouche lefties, TYVM. I see this more as the reaction of one of the real powers behind the throne, Rahm Emmanuel or George Soros, maybe.
#4: It's still funny as hell.

#5: I've seen this a million times, close captioned for every cause imaginable. Does anyone know what movie it's from originally?

Current Mood: amused
2:40 am
I'm not ashamed to admit...
...that at 9:22 PM, EST, tonight, when the AP called the senate race for Brown and it was reported that Coakley had called Brown to concede, I had, in addition to a triumphant cheer from my mouth, a tear in my eye. An actual, no fooling, hey-my-hand-wiping-my-eye-is wet, tear in my eye. Finally, FINALLY, maybe, just maybe, we as Americans had at long last a brake on the disastrous one party freight train towards European style social democracy that this administration holds as it's goal. We'll see what happens next, but for the moment, sanity has restored itself, And that's a good thing. A wonderful thing. I confess that, in the dark days of the last year, I had begun to doubt the possibility. Thank God that I was wrong. Thank God for the Massachusetts Miracle. I couldn't be happier if I found out that I had won the lottery.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Sunday, January 17th, 2010
2:37 am
You know what?
No matter how pissed I get at the world, I'll always have my wife. My wonderful, beautiful wife who keeps me grounded. I love you honey, you are my world.

Current Mood: content
1:48 am
God, it just....infuriates me so
Tonight, out at the bar, after the Ravens game, I had to listen to a man casually toss about the term nigger. A black gentleman was talking to a while girl down the bar. They seemed to be having a fine time. This....slime...was seated next to me and he was talking to another person. He wasn't talking to me, but I could hear him. What I heard was "nigger this", and "nigger that" and...and....JESUS H. CHRIST I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE! Repeatedly!

Good Lord, is this 2010 or 1950? "Nigger"? Really? Really?

Look, I fully support the right of anybody to believe what they want. If they want to be a racist asshole, hey, more power to them. Seriously.

But it ruined my night (more than the Ravens did).

I have one thing to say to that racist asshole:


Fuck you and all your family and all of the misbegotten kids you may have raised. I won't wish death on anyone, but the sooner you kick off this mortal coil, the better off I will be, the better off we will be and the better off America will be. Just...fuck you. Asshole. Fuck you.

I'm pissed, can you tell?
Sunday, December 27th, 2009
4:18 am
Can I talk about my son Matthew for a minute?
First of all, he's an idiot. He's almost 16 years old, being an idiot is endemic with him. Hell, *I* was an idiot at his age. He drives me up a wall trying to deal with him. But....but....he constantly surprises me with how good a kid he is. I adopted him 5 years ago, I made him my son on par with my other son Jimmy, and even though I may sometimes dote on Jimmy (because it's easy to do so, Jimmy is five and I am his world) at Matthew's expense, I can never forget how great Matthew is. Tonight was a perfect case in point. Our car broke hundreds of miles from home. Matthew was expected to be stuffed into the back of a rental so we could get home. He did it with not one word of complaint. He spent almost 4 hours stuffed into the hatch of a Chevy Equinox, amongst boxes of stuff from our broken car. He was crammed into a space I wouldn't keep a dog in and he voiced not one word of complaint. I can't tell you how much he impressed me in doing so. I love the kid so much, even though I see him making same of the same mistakes I made when I was his age. That's no matter, tonight, he stepped up and did what needed to be done. I give him all kinds of hell. That's my job as a father. Tonight he exceeded my expectations. I am a very lucky man to have a teenage son who did what he did tonight. Most kids his age would be whining, but Matthew uttered not a peep, he even helped keep track of his much younger brother beside the highway while we were waiting for a taxi. I love my son Matthew, in everything except academic achievement he makes me proud of him. I'll say it for the record: Matthew, I love you and I am proud, very proud, that you're my son.
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
2:45 am
That outta larn him
So tonight I took out my work laptop because I wanted to find something upstairs without going down to my office where my desktop is. I booted up, clicked Firefox, and a "restore previous session" screen came up. That's odd, I know the last time I used the computer I shut down normally. I click on restore, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but two tabs, one my teenage son's Facebook page, and one a porn video. Hmmm, thinks I, what have we here? It's obvious what's going on, Matthew has been getting up early in the morning and using my work laptop to go online, even though I have told him multiple times that he is not allowed to do that. I then notice that he's still signed into his Facebook page, so I make a little entry: "Matthew thinks that his father doesn't know that he's getting up early and using his father's work laptop to watch porn and whack off".

He's 16, and all his friends, including his GF, will now see what he's been up to. I keep telling him that he doesn't have the smarts or experience to go up against me, maybe now he'll take that lesson to heart, and with my laptop now password protected, as are the rest of the computers in the house, it's a lesson that he'll be stuck with for quite a while.

Current Mood: devious
Friday, December 11th, 2009
5:01 am
I wish I could sing
I really, really wish that I could sing. I love music, it moves me like nothing else, but I can't do it. Music moves me to actual tears. The other day I was sitting with my young son, and we were listening to the muppets Ode to Joy. He loved it, I appreciated it, and afterwords I played for him a recording of Ode to Joy with full orcharestrial accompaniment, including the men's chorus. Tears were running down my face at the beauty of it. Jimmy said "Daddy, why are you crying?" I couldn't explain it to him, so I hugged him in leau of explaining.

Here's what tears at me.

My wife is actually gifted with the ability to sing beautifully. She sings in a choir, she has sung in a better choir before. Once in a great while I have been privileged to hear her sing myself. She's BRILLIANT!

But for some reason she's shy about her singing gift. I'd kill bus loads of children to have her gift, unfortunately I have the opposite. I have the gift of murdering any, ANY music.

So. So. I sit here unable to sing. I want to sing. Sometimes I try to sing. Way back in the day I dated a girl, and I could get her to do anything I wanted by threatening to sing at her. Sometimes I try to sing, and my wife, who I'm sure is gritting her teeth at my attempts (God knows she's told me often enough that she is) to sing, just looks at me and says "I thought you loved me, why are you singing?"

She can sing. I can't. I can accept that. Given all that, what I would really like to hear, someday, is my wife unfettering her beautiful voice at me, full force. Sing to me Corrine, sing! 8 years we've been married, and I still don't know why she's reluctant to just sing to me, between me and her. I can't do it, but if I could, I would. She can do it, and where many men fantasize about women other than their wives, I fantasize about that one single time when my wife will sing, sing, to me from her heart and soul. She's got in her, God knows she's told me so and I have told her so also. I just want my wife to sing me the love song I'd like to sing to her. She'd rightly turn down that offer from me(I, as I have said, suck at singing), but she doesn't, and considering how good she is at singing, is it unusual that I would want to hear that for myself?

Please, honey, sing to me. Do it in Dallas, I'll be waiting.

I love you Corrine

I wish I could sing.
Monday, December 7th, 2009
2:20 am
My wife and I had a serious discussion about "US" today, a very good one, with a very good outcome, but it made me think about something. On occasion, I have been "tempted by the fruit of another" (thank you Squeeze), but I have never been interested in taking such temptations beyond the mild flirting stage. Thinking about it today, I realized that while flirting is fun, I have no interest in going beyond that, in fact I found it hard to even imagine acting on such flirts, and then I thought hard about THAT. I tried to imagine myself with another woman, I even tried to fantasize about having sex with someone other than my wife. No matter how attractive that thought might be in the abstract, no matter how I tried to capture the imaginary sex in my mind, however visceral and primal I tried to make it....I couldn't do it.


That bugged me, until finally I understood. The only way I can possibly conceive of sex with someone other than my wife is if she is no longer in my life, and the only way she could ever be not a part of my life is if she was dead. I may tease her about the all the movie stars that I would screw after she dies, but the stark reality of that is just simply impossible for me to even fantasize about. In the end, not having her in my life is a possibility so horrid that I can't even lightly fantasize about it for fun.

So, where does that leave me?

It leaves me as the luckiest man on earth. The only woman that I find myself able to fantasize about is the woman I have. How cool is that?

Lyrics for the song The Night by Morphine:

you're the night, Lilah
a little girl lost in the woods
you're a folktale
the unexplainable
you're a bedtime story
the one that keeps the curtains closed
I hope you're waiting for me
cause I can't make it on my own
I can't make it on my own

it's too dark to see the landmarks
and I don't want your good luck charms
I hope you're waiting for me
across your carpet of stars
you're the night, Lilah
you're everything that we can't see
you're the possibility

you're the bedtime story
the one that keeps the curtains closed
and I hope you're waiting for me
cause I can't make it on my own
I can't make it on my own

unknown the unlit world of old
you're the sounds I've never heard before
off the map where the wild things grow
another world outside my door
here I stand I'm all alone
driving down the pitch black road
Lilah you're my only home
and I can't make it on my own

you're a bedtime story
the one that keeps the curtains closed
I hope you're waiting for me
cause I can't make it on my own
I can't make it on my own

Current Mood: content
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
8:51 pm
1:10 pm
I got this off of NRO, and the original cite was "from a reader", so I can't properly attribute it, but it made me chuckle:

Tiger Tiger turning right
In the driveway late at night
Your immortal hand and eye
Couldn't make the car comply?
Of whose waiting shapely thighs
Did you dream with bolted eyes
Instigating you to crash
Into the stately water ash?

Was it worth a rendezvous
With some star-struck ingenue
Just to verify you could
Withstand a sliced Norwegian wood?
Tiger Tiger turning right
In the driveway late at night
What covert obsession made
You climb into the Escalade?

Current Mood: Amused
Monday, November 30th, 2009
4:24 am
The Neverending Story
I just watched the movie. I should have been in bed 2 hours ago, but I can't walk away from this movie. I can't wait to share this movie with my 5 year old. Snuggling in bed with Jimmy and popcorn, watching this movie? Heaven. Sheer, unadulterated heaven on earth. I'm a lucky man.

Current Mood: happy and tired
Saturday, November 28th, 2009
2:32 am
So tired
Long day today. LOOONG day. I was on the phone at 10, calling clients, I did that until 2, with a break for a lunch of soooper soup™, when I had to leave to go call on clients way, waaaay down in Southern Md., more than 100 miles away. I drove down, called on 3 clients, sold all 3 of them, earning some generous and much needed commissions, then I had to drive home. I finished with my last client at 10:15 and headed the 2 + hours home. I hadn't eaten since lunch, and as I passed an Outback I figured that I had earned it and stopped and had a steak dinner. It was good, but it put me even later getting home. Rolling into my neighborhood at a little past one, I stopped to have a beer at the pub and decompress. Now I'm home and it's time for bed. I'm debating between my nice warm bed with my nice warm wife and the roll out bed downstairs. On the surface of it this would seem like an easy decision, but my nice warm wife loves me a whole lot. When we sleep this comes out in her desire to snuggle up against me, a good thing. Except.....all through the night her subconscious keeps telling her to snuggle up against wonderful me, and she does. Brilliant, right? Well, it is, and I love it, but each time she snuggles closer, it at least half wakes me up and it always pushes me further over. Most mornings I wake up warm, supremely loved, and sleeping on 6 inches of bed. Tonight I think I'm going to opt for the surprisingly comfortable roll out bed and an uninterrupted night's sleep. I'll snuggle my warm wife tomorrow.

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
2:42 pm
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
9:24 pm
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
2:30 am
That was fun
So I went up to the bar tonight to have a beer. I get out of my car, and there is a guy sitting on the picnic table outside, who says to me "Hey, man, I wanna ask you a question". He goes on to say "I know you've heard this before, I have, we all have, but really, I need some help". He goes on to tell me that his car ran out of gas (his car is sitting right there), he's not looking for a handout, but he needs a couple of bucks, yadda, yadda, yadda. Seems like a nice guy. Sincere. I tell him that I can't help him, sorry, I don't have any cash, but I wish I could, and I did wish that. It's not likely, but everyone runs out of gas sometimes, and I like to help when I can. He turns to the next guy and starts in again.

I decide to actually help. I get back into my car, go home, duck into my shed and come back. I pull up next to his car and he's in it and the car is running. Hmmmm, I think. I get out of my car and he sees me and gets out of his car. I tell him. "Hey man, I try to help everyone I can, but your car is running. I thought you were out of gas." He tries to play it off, " I went and got a dollar's worth of gas". I look at him and say, "Come on man, I've only been gone 3 minutes (there is no gas station within 3 minutes of our location)." I tell him "I try to help people whenever I can. That's how I live my life. I told you I don't have any cash, and I don't, but I do have a lawnmower." He looks at me, not understanding, and I open the back door of my car and pull out a gas can. "I brought you some gas".

Like a bolt from the blue, he gets it, and to his credit he seems honestly grateful that I went through the trouble, but the elephant in the room is now standing naked before us and he doesn't try to deny it. "You don't need any gas, do you?" I ask. "No" he says. I tell him "Life is short and pain is long and we're all put on this earth to help each other, that's why I went and got some gas, you understand?" He says yes, and still seems honestly amazed that I went through the trouble of bringing him gas. "Next time someone needs help, thing about this" I say, "Have a great day". He grins and says "You too, my man" and drives off. I went into the bar and had a beer.

Game, set, match, me. I love killing them with kindness.

Current Mood: Amused
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
7:51 pm
Friday, September 25th, 2009
4:15 am
I've said this before...
...but my GOD I love Daniel Hannan. You should too. See his speech in America here. Brilliant. No other word for it. Watch it. Watch it all.

Current Mood: inspired
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
3:35 am
Today, I am a man
It's a tradition in Jewish households. When your child reaches the age of 13, he or she has his or her bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah. During that ceremony, traditionally the youth declares "Today, I am a man"*. It's a recognition of the youth transitioning to adolescence and then to adulthood. I really like the idea (There's a lot of things I like about Jewish tradition), but the core concept is one familiar to parents of all beliefs (one that we tend to fight kicking and screaming, creating a ceremony to recognize that is brilliant IMO): Our kids grow up. The bar or bat mitzvah is simply a ceremony acknowledging that fact.

Well, tomorrow, my son will start school. My wife and I had to fight to get him into school, we were rudely rebuffed from putting him in public school, and by the time that happened, it was very much too late to enroll him in the private school next door. We went on the waiting list, and yesterday, I got a call informing me that a spot was open at Immaculate Heart of Mary. We jumped on it.

So, tomorrow Jimmy will get to go to school. Financially, it will be a bit of a burden, but we can handle it. I'm excited. Corrine's excited. Jimmy is very excited. I'm a little pissed (understatement, read: a lot) that the taxes I pay for public schooling will be wasted, but the most important thing is that Jimmy is going to be starting his education amongst a group of kids his age, in a setting that encourages and nurtures his gifts.

Which brings me back to how I started this entry. Bar mitzvah's recognize the milestone of a kid becoming an adolescent. Tomorrow my baby steps out into the wider world. I love that. I embrace that. I worked hard for it to happen. But......

Jimmy has entered into the new phase of his life where he's no longer my little boy, he's Jimmy, determinedly forging his own path through life. That's a good thing. It's a wonderful thing. I want it to happen, I want him to have every opportunity.

I still know that I'm going to get all teary when I drop him off tomorrow. My baby might not be a man, but he's grown up enough to take his first tentative steps beyond me. Damn it.

I want to hold him and hug him and revel in his life, enjoying OUR life together, playing "tent", and "running" and "police" and watching Prehistoric Planet together forever. It can't happen. It WON'T happen. And that's a GOOD thing. I embrace it. I should. I will. I HAVE to.

Damn it.

*Do Jewish girls say "Today, I am a woman" at their bat mitzvah? It would seem to follow, but I've never heard it it. I honestly don't know, can anyone enlighten me? Ben?

Current Mood: Whistful
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